Tuesday, 21 August 2007

Broke my Heart

She was Lovely.

It was our third meeting and she was one of my almost-regulars.

She broke my heart. Unintentionally, I'm sure.

On the third meeting, she came in with her laptop-bag and a bit of a worried frown on her face. She asked me for help with her laptop (everybody seems to assume I know these things, because I use a laptop for email and writing).
And my reply was along the lines: I dont really know that stuff, but it is rather complex. I suggest you outsource that to someone who knows what he is doing and who can afford to spend some time on it. Can you not ask some boyfriend to do that for you?

Background: I'm still scarred by many experiences where I got myself foolishly in trouble for helping out nice (looking) Girls with math / physics-lab / car / wordprocessing / spreadsheets / powerpoints.
I remember each and every name, the beautiful eyes, the lovely smiles...

The girls, of course, never let me near them, and always dropped me the moment their problem was fixed. And I kept making that mistake until I was well over 25yo. I still make it...

Anyway, there was me suggesting she should get it fixed by some innocent sucker, preferably a fellow student who could afford the time to get lost in the crypts of her harddisk.

Her timid reply was:
I cannot really have a boyfriend anymore you know.

Me, carefully threading:
well, you are a very nice, clever, likeable person, and you know how to deal with men.

Boyfriends want to have sex all the time. And when I'm not studying or escorting, I just want to chill.

Brief Awkward silence followed, which she broke by quickly turning on her bubbly alter-ego. I'd have sworn she gave me that genuine, hot kiss to get us both back into play. Somewhat to my surprise, she could rapidly switch back to her usual relaxed but Intense Personality that I so admired. And she took me with her: We had the same Mind-BlOwing Sex as ever. I still am 99% sure she enjoyed it. Her body certainly seemed to respond well. She left as usual, partly exhausted, partly bouncy-cheery, (pretending ??) she too had drawn engergy from the encounter. I can only hope she really enjoyed it ...

But I never forgot those remarks. I still feel heartbroken. I doubled her Tip (and gave her all the choccies), and I sincerely hope she got sorted quickly - it seemed she really needed that laptop to work properly.

It is almost a year ago now.
I did not have the courage to see her again. And she is now off the scene as far as I know.
I hope she is Okay.

Is this another example of the loneliness of a Working Lady ?
Did I make a mistake by asking about the BF ?

Or was I just nearly or wholely duped again ?


Joanne said...

She did not dupe you at all. You asked her the questions, did you really expect her to tell you the whole truth?

You think too much sometimes Ptr :)

JustPlainJain said...

I know this is old, but I came across it in my browsing, so:
She certainly told you a good portion of the truth, dear Peter, though perhaps she could have been more articulate. No one wants to be our boyfriend if we've been honest about what we do/did. EVER. We are untouchable once we have allowed ourselves to be objectified, no matter how genuine or kind we may remain in our hearts. There are always plenty of men who will try to trick a girl into believing he can love her despite this, but only so he can use her for free. So the healthiest thing she can do is give up the notion of love as quickly as possible, lest her guilt/insecurity/desire for it be used to manipulate her. Ideally, girls come to recognize and enjoy the positive aspects of an NSA sexual lifestyle, of having no "special somebody" but lots of sexual nobodies, as much as typical single men enjoy and prefer it as a lifestyle. The truth, since you asked (sweet Peter, you should not have asked!), is; No, even if we want to, we can NEVER be a wife or girlfriend again, not without lying about our past(but we are NOT all liars). That doesn't mean we cannot learn to be as happy and fulfilled as the average bachelor. If I love a man, I get away from him as fast as possible, because I would never be so selfish as to risk allowing him to love me back, because that would require me either lying about having been a prostitute, or letting him live with a piece of knowledge about me that will always make him uncomfortable, and why would I do either of those things to a guy I love? I would not. Don't let it break your heart Peter; it's a swinging bachelor's life for us, that's all. ;)

Ptr_leeds said...

Hello Jaine, and thanks for stopping by.
That is an Excellent Reality Check you wrote there and I hope some of the girls who are contemplating "the job" give it a read.